How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
