i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
