You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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