are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
