At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
