This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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