can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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