where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize