My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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