She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
