How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
do herpes really smell.
only you would photoshop your dick
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
