I think I am morally bankrupt
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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