I wanna passion pit in your ass
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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