you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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