I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
