yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
