K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Randomize
