pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
