Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
