I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
