Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Randomize
