I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I hope mine doesn't look like that
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
