Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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