the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize