Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
