I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I wish I only lived at night.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
