Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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