I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
