Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
