Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i've created a new STD.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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