Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
