am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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