I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
