well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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