I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
