he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize