why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
