Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
