Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
