Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize