Where did you get a picture of my penis
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Randomize
