we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
