so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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