Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
