we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
