don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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