What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
