Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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