You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You dont lie about slip and slides
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
