I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
