Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
