just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize