if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
