$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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