Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I deserve this hangover.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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