This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
