Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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