she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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