I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
