I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Randomize