Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
