We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize