I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
