i need an iv and a liver transplant
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
