she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
