If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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