I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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