I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
