I looked at my own cervix.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
