Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize