her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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