The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
