Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
