The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize