Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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